Captain Terdy's First Week: Day 1 AM

“Almost! Get in here,” yelled Admiral Forlorn.
A harassed looking Captain hurried in from the outer office.
“How are we going with these… things, Captain Almost?” the Admiral asked, waving at the pile of priority zero plus plus directives from Space Command HQ. He never could understand that. If priority zero was most urgent, and priority one was less urgent, surely priority zero plus plus was less urgent than priority zero. He guessed it was this sort of thinking that kept him in this god-forsaken sector. At least he wasn’t dirt-side.
“Well, I think they’re coming along pretty well sir. Almost there sir. Which do you want me to report on first?”
The Admiral picked up the top sheet and looked at it forlornly. “The program to eliminate reports of inappropriate sexual activity on space command ships. Good gods, Almost, how did we get here? Space command used to be all about handsome cadets and hot Ensigns in short dresses boldly going and all that.”
“Ah, right sir. Almost done on that one. I analyzed the reports sir. Turns out ninety percent of reports in our sector have been caused by a dozen or so individuals.” He handed over a list of names. “We just have to recall them all from active duty placements and put them somewhere where they can’t cause any reports. Almost done sir. Most of them are already back here on station. They’ve all received final warnings. Just need to work out their new assignments.”
The Admiral looked at the list and shook his head. “Is that tech officer on this list?”
“Computer Tech Tinfoil Hat? Yes sir.”
“Make sure he never gets near a computer again. Any computer, not just a ship’s computer.”
“Yes sir. Fascinating obsession. The ministry is very interested in him.”
“What? He has a fetish that makes him flood the ship’s library with porn?”
“Good heavens sir. You’re very perceptive. That’s almost exactly right.”
The Admiral face palmed, reliving the particular HQ inspection tour that had come unstuck.
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“Very well,” he said putting the list aside and picking up the next directive. “How about the urgent scout mission to gamma quadrant. It says best crew, all speed, super urgent. What’s so urgent? Nothing good ever comes out of gamma quadrant.”
“Well, we don’t know sir. All HQ are going on is one message from a lone long range intelligence agent. Due to the distance he could only transmit a small message. His transmitter seems to have burned out mid transmission. Since then there’s been no contact.”
“What was the message?”
“HUGE THREAT. PRU…”
“Huge threat?”
“Yes sir. In capitals. HQ say he’s very reliable. They are asking us to send the cream of our corps on a high speed armed scouting mission.”
“Yes. And how are we going with that? I want this one done right. HQ are going to be watching this one.”
“Almost done sir. The new super speed Corvette, SCS Essex, is loaded and ready to go. I’ve got a great crew list worked out.” He handed over a list.
The Admiral looked at the list. “Excellent. But there’s no captain here. Who’s the captain?”
“Ah, sir, almost done on that one. Captain Terdy. She’s new.”
“New? I don’t want someone who was born yesterday.”
“Oh, no sir. She was born this morning.”
“This morning? She’s a Va Va Vroomzeon vat job?”
“Yes sir. Practically perfect in every way. Has the curated experience of three top-flight star ship captains. Perfect combination of personality, bold leadership, technical knowledge, tactical and strategic thinking. You know we’re not allowed to discriminate on biological or chronological age. Her resume is definitely the best available.”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure she’s perfect. That’s what unnerves me about them. Especially the women. Do they really have to make them that… perfect?”
“Oh, I know what you mean sir. She’s hotter than a jalapeno pepper. But she’s a Va Va Vroomzeon creation sir. You know how they make them prudish. They build it into every personality.”
“Yes, at least we won’t have to worry about reports of inappropriate sexual activity.”
“Indeed. She’s waiting outside sir, would you like to see her?”
“Oh. Right,” said the Admiral, sitting up straight and unconsciously straightening his hair. “Er, yes, yes, quite normal that I should meet the new captain. Show her right in.”
“Right sir.”
Captain Almost hurried out while the Admiral stood, puffed out his chest, and squared his shoulders. He gave a couple of experimental “hurrumphs” to get his commanding voice in tune.
Captain Terdy walked in like a goddess in uniform. “Admiral!” she threw a perfect salute. Captain Born Yes Terdy reporting for duty, sir!”
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The Admiral took her in. Space command, through long tradition, had two women’s uniforms. Tight full suits or tight short dresses - for flexibility. She’d gone for the increasingly rare short tunic. Unheard of for a Va Va. Holy Hottening, he thought, why did they have to be so perfect. Her face was angelic. No man could look at that face and not fall in love. Beautiful high cheekbones, soft kissable lips, casual framing cascades of blond hair. Perfect full breasts, perfect high slim waist, perfect flaring hips and ass. Legs, well, the Admiral had a thing about legs. He’d never seen a Va Va girl in a short skirt. He swallowed. Oh god, he thought, so smooth, so long. He wrenched his eyes all the way back up.
“Good day Captain Terdy. Have you been briefed on your mission?”
“Yes sir. I’m very keen to get moving sir, I appreciate the urgency of the situation. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been born yesterday sir.”
“Oh, well, never mind that. Ah, so is everything, ah, ready?”
“I just need my crew list sir.”
“Oh, right well, let me present that to you right now.” The Admiral felt chuffed and commanding as he plucked the list from his desk and walked round to give it to her. Shaking with one hand and passing with the other. “Best of the best here Captain. I’m sure they’ll do you proud.”
She looked him straight in the eye, “I’m sure they will, sir.”
“Excellent, excellent. Ah, would you like a hand gathering your crew? Important mission, I could afford some time to help.”
“That’s very generous of you sir, but I will be fine. I remember this station and its procedures quite well.”
“You do?”
“Yes sir.”
“Well, excellent, excellent,” chortled the Admiral. “Ha, and we won’t have any of that nonsense inappropriate sexual activity on your ship, will we?”
“I’m sorry sir,” she replied. “I don’t know the meaning of the word.”
Captain Almost and the Admiral laughed.
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***
Indeed, Captain Terdy did not know the meaning of the word. Much later, when the small memory pill colloquially known as “the birds and the bees” was found in a dark corner under a bench in the corner of the vat room, it became apparent just how small an event can separate the destruction of the human race from its lack of destruction.
However, that was later. Earlier that morning, minutes before her birth, two heavily cowled Va Va Vroomzeons stood in the dark shadowy hall of unknowable technology before the green glowing glass tube in which the most perfect naked female body floated.
“Is her mind ready?” said the first solemnly in a deep male voice.
“Yes,” said the second, also male. “It is ready.” He held out a slim rod, no more than a glass straw, in which sat more than fifty small beads of every color. “A perfect Space Command captain. A personality and memory set curated and distilled from the best, by the best. It is ready.”
“Then proceed,” said the first.
The second opened a small port in the side of the vat and gently inclined the glass straw into it.
“She really does have the most perfect breasts you know,” said the first casually.
“Eh?” said the second looking up. “Yes, a wonderful pair. Perfect.”
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It was at that moment that it happened. His hand jiggled and a small blue bead jumped the chute, fell to the soft rubber flange round the vat, and shot quietly across the floor. The second returned his concentration to the job at hand.
***
Back in the twenty-second century, the universal health system had reduced long term costs by insisting even cosmetic procedures be germ-line. The result was referred to by social anthropologists as The Great Cosmetic Shift. Body hair, sagging breasts, beer bellies and double chins were relegated to history just in time for humanity’s diaspora to the stars. The rest of the human race called it The Hottening.
Psych Officer Doctor Luscious checked her hair one more time and adjusted her blouse. The blinds were half closed, even though they were fake and just looked out on a faux panorama here on station. The lights were dimmed, the couch positioned just-so.
The memory of the Ensign’s last session, all of six months ago, was still fresh in her mind. She rationalized to herself that she didn’t have any explicit intention of letting it happen again. She was just making the situation comfortable for Ensign De’Lusional. There was a soft knock on the door. Soft like a lover’s kiss.
“Come,” she said.
Ensign Casanova De’Lusional was not handsome in a way that would raise alarm. He was just ordinarily handsome. He didn’t have a head turning body, he just had an excellent body. What he did have was natural grace, an easy manner, and a single-minded love of women.
“Good morning Dr. Luscious. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” He walked to the couch and sat on the edge nearest her chair, as if hardly noticing his surroundings. He took her in with all the attention of a man in love. “It’s good to see you again.”
Her heart was beating faster. She steeled herself to be professional. “Casanova, if you wouldn’t mind, could you lie down for me? There are some things we need to discuss.”
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“Of course,” he swiveled, gracefully, and lay peacefully looking at the ceiling.
“Thank you.” She looked at her notes, more to keep her composure than anything. “Well, I’m afraid the last six months haven’t been any better than the previous. Tell me, by your count, and strictly confidentially, how many has it been?”
He turned to look at her. “None of them count… except you. So, one.”
She rolled her eyes, “Casanova, I’m your psych officer. Tell me how many.”
He sighed, “I don’t know, twenty-five, thirty. Is it important?”
“No, I’m just wondering what the ratio of grief stricken women who end up crying to their senior officer is. Ten to one, by the way. But three reports is too many for you. I think one more and you’re going to get grounded.”
He sat up with a start, “Grounded!” He swung his legs to floor. “They can’t! I like being an officer. I like being in space.”
“Yes, well, they’re going to do it if you can’t keep your dick in your pants.”
He looked sad. “But, but, I’m just like any guy. Sure I like girls. Who doesn’t?”
“That’s the problem. I’ve consulted my colleagues. We’ve checked your brain scans, we’ve interviewed your… friends. The problem is, there is nothing wrong with you. You just love women and they fall for you.”
“No doc. I love the… navy?”
“No Casanova, you can’t be a good officer when you spend your entire time chasing skirts.”
He put his head in his hands. “What am I going to do? All the hot chicks are on ships.”
He looked up with a start, “Except you doc. I’d be prepared to have a station assignment if I could stay with you.”
She stood up and sat beside him, holding a VR helmet. “Casanova, I have something for you.”
He took her hand. It wasn’t what she had intended, but she let him hold it while she continued. “You mustn’t tell anybody I’ve given you this. It’s something that might help you.”
“How?”
She watched him watch her eyes. He smelled so good. “It’s a diversion therapy device. We’re only supposed to give them out as a last resort, and certainly not to someone who has no psychoses. But that’s the problem isn’t it? You’re not sick, so I think this is your only chance of staying in space.”
“Um. Ok. How does it work?”
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“Its very simple. It looks like any deep brain VR set. You put it on when you go to bed. It has a hundred percent realistic complete starship social environment which is partially driven by your thoughts. The only difference from reality is that, well… you won’t face real consequences from romantic adventures. When you want the session to end, you put on the virtual version of this and you will wake up in the real world. Hopefully the diversion will let you get through the day.”
Casanova looked at it suspiciously. “So, it’s like masturbating? That’s never been my thing.”
“No, don’t think of it like that. It’s the whole experience. The romance, the wooing, the consummation, and the heartfelt goodbyes. All while doing your job.”
“Well, ok. I’ll give it a go.”
“Would you like to try it now?”
He looked her in the eye. She was drowning. She could feel her pussy.
“I don’t know,” he said in a whisper. “Would it feel like this?” He slid in a warm hand to cup her breasts. Just a little heft and gentle massage.
“Um,” she mumbled as she felt her nipples harden against his palm. “It’s… It’s very… realistic.”
“Will it feel this real to me?” He kissed her, just gently, then they both came together for more. Tongues emerged and fought. His hand moved firmly over her breasts, popping clasps.
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“Oh god,” she said when they came up for air. “Take me!” She wrenched her blouse open and pulled his head down to her heaving breasts
He kissed one while he felt the beautiful swell of the other. Dr Luscious wasn’t waiting. She was pulling his shirt up, trying to get it off over his head. She needed to feel his hard body, needed to have it ravish her. Up it came, she yanked and pulled it off. His hot athletic body was before her.
“Wow doc,” he said, “I really love you. You’re the best shrink I know.”
She put her hands on his chest and ran them down to his groin. She could feel his hard member. Yank, and it was out - smooth and hair-free.
“Just fuck me. We don’t have much time.” She pulled her skirt off and lifted her legs wide either side of his body. By a not so odd coincidence, she wasn’t wearing any pants.
“I hate to rush doc, but if you say so.”
She took his cock in one hand and massaged the head into her tingling pussy. The shaft was velvety dry in her hand. Where they joined, slick and exciting.
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This was one aspect of Ensign De’Lusional that was special. Dr Luscious thought of it as conveniently large. Now the flared dome pushed wetly past her red lips and was rammed deep home by the long thick shaft behind it.
“Ogh god yes”, moaned the doctor as she pulled him in. “Hard Casanova, hard and fast.” She was quivering and pulling him down on her.
Casanova worked his stiff rod deep into her with solid strokes, getting faster as he felt her need grow. They joined together in wet tongue filled kisses as Luscious squirmed under him.
“Yes Casanova! Hard! I’ going too… orrrrrgh…” she came in eye rolling, toe curling ecstasy. Her pussy was a flaming ball of sexual release.
Casanova pounded away. Nothing better, he marveled, than a woman coming, and he was only just getting started. His cock felt wonderful in her. Deep and hard in her wet softness. He loved the way she pulled him in with her shapely legs wrapped round him.
Dr Luscious was ignited by the wrongness of this. She was a professional. She was here to soothe the psychoses of her patients, not to have spontaneous sex with them. It was driving her wild. Complete abandonment of her principles, all inhibition off.
“Oh shit Casanova. Fuck my brains out you machine. Suck my tits. Suck my tits,” she said as she pushed them up to him.
Casanova bent to her beautiful breasts and sucked a nipple deep into his mouth, then gripped it tightly with his lips and pulled hard. That made her moan and roll, so he did it to the other one, pulling it taut.
“Oh! Fuck yes!” she moaned. “Harder! I’m coming!”
He pulled on the first nipple again, as hard as he could, sucking and gripping with his lips, pulling it up in a distended peak.
“Orrrgh…” came the introduction to her orgasm. Her eyes rolled up, her legs shook, muscles clenched. Her chest flushed red as the pink rivers of delight flooded through her body. It went on for almost a minute while he plunged his cock in and out of her passage.
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Eventually she went slack and her eyes fluttered.
Casanova slowed and enjoyed himself giving her gentle thrusts as she languished. Then she opened her eyes fully and looked at him.
“Do my fantasy for me,” she said suddenly.
“What’s your fantasy?”
She started wriggling out from under him, “Lie on the couch you sick bastard.”
She got up while Casanova lay down, his hard erection projecting over his equally hard stomach. Dr Luscious sat in her big authoritarian consulting chair.
“Right,” she said firmly, “I’ve had enough of your sniveling talk. I’ve got a magic pussy.” She spread her legs and pointed to it firmly. “Lick it and you’ll be cured. No more talk.”
“Yes Doctor,” said Casanova, sliding off the couch and kneeling between her legs. He gripped her legs and viciously attacked her clit with his tongue.
Dr Luscious spasmed and grabbed the chair with clawed hands. Her head turned to the side and her eyes closed. “Yes, that’s it. Lick the magic juice from my pussy. Lick it. Lick it.” Her fantasy had minor variations, but generally involved coming in her patients face to cure them. While they were licking her, they couldn’t talk. She got so tired of hearing their problems, sometimes she just wanted them to shut up and be better. But mostly she wanted them to lick her into orgasm.
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“Oh, yes, that’s right you fucking psychosis nest. Do it. Get the cure.”
Sometimes she imagined she became famous for her curative abilities, and doctors would come from far around to lick her pussy for themselves.
Casanova gently insinuated a few fingers into her vagina and massaged her g-spot.
“Yes! That’s it! Oh! You’re going to get so cured! Ah!” She was close. Panting as she tensely squeezed out her words.
Casanova went hard, trilling her clit and plunging his fingers.
“Fuck! Yes! Here comes your cure! Get it!” She came intensely with floods of moist emanations that Casanova eagerly lapped.
“Ogh,” she said weakly as she subsided, “you’re cured.”
Casanova stood up. “Great doctor, I feel better already. May I fuck your face?”
Casanova had a keen sense of a woman’s limits. She opened her mouth and beckoned him with a finger. He got up on the chair and unceremoniously thrust the head of his firm cock deep into her mouth.
“Hmmm!” she exclaimed as her eyes went wide. She grabbed his hips and helped him ram his cock into her mouth, banging her head against the high backed chair. “Hmmm! Mmm!”
He could feel her tongue writhing around his cock and her suction as he pulled out. He didn’t last long, and came with eruptions of cum blasting up from his balls. She took it all, swallowing and sucking to the last.
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Casanova staggered back and sat on the edge of the couch. They both panted heavily while they got their breath back. Dr Luscious rested, slumped with wide open legs. Eventually Casanova put away his dick and pulled his top back on.
“Don’t you have to get cleaned up, beautiful?” he asked.
“I booked you for an hour slot. Here,” she got up. “Lie down and try the diversion therapy.”
He lay on the couch and she snuggled up to him in open blouse dishevelment. No sooner had she put the unit over his eyes, than his communicator buzzed in urgent alarm. He pulled it off his face. “Hold on. I’d better answer this, darling.”
“Casanova,” he said tapping the comms badge.
The response came in the crisp voice of the station computer with its annoying pauses. “Ensign … Casanova De’Lusional … you are … required to attend … SCS Essex … as … Ensign … effective … immediately. Departure is at … imminent.”
“Holy Hottening!” He jumped up. “Looks like I’d better be off, honey.”
“Take it with you. Put it on tonight.”
“Check doc.” He gave her a tender kiss. “Thanks for everything.” Then he was gone, running out the door.

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